Guys, you get it.
You’re a gun-loving dude stuck in a ban state, drooling over some natty ex-SF guy’s IG, when ping—your phone lights up with a message from some rando.
You open it, and there it is: a shiny suppressor in your face. It’s not just a picture—it’s a personal attack.
These smug studs from Texas or Florida are flooding your inbox with unsolicited suppressor pics, leaving you stiff with envy.
Welcome to the latest epidemic tormenting the legally shackled: suppressor spam.
Gun enthusiasts in free states have apparently taken it upon themselves to “bless” their less fortunate friends with these tantalizing images.
“Just wanted to brighten your day!” reads the caption under a matte-black silencer posed provocatively.
Or, “Thinking of you,” paired with a suppressor coyly nestled next to a pistol, suppressor threads glistening in the sunlight.
“I’m just trying to choose my legally allowed one firearm per 30 days from the roster of safe guns,” groans Mike, a Californian who’s received 12 suppressor pics this month. “And some dude named Hunter sends me his perfect 3D-printed ribbed-for-maximum-gas-volume-expansion tube. It’s like, ‘Thanks, man, now I’m depressed.'”
“Why would guys think we want this?” pleads Mike, another Californian.
Robert from New York explains how he had to get a new phone number after receiving 31 different suppressor pics after signing up for a gun auction app. “But then some guy slides in my DMs with his big black multi-cal can—talk about a bang I can’t handle.”
The senders, however, see it differently. “It’s a brotherhood thing,” insists Jake, a serial suppressor-pic sender from Florida. “They’re missing out, so I’m giving them a taste of the good life.”
Whether it’s a free-state flex or a ban-state bust, one thing’s clear—this suppressor-pic spree is one phenomenon that’s just getting started.
Disclaimer: This is a satire/parody post, which may or may not use actual names in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. So, try not to get too upset about it.
16 Leave a Reply
Just gotta be the one to say it: Size matters. Just like engines, there’s no replacement for displacement!
As good as the executive order President Trump supposedly wrote declassifying all UFO files, to be signed with an"out of this world" guest in a special White House ceremony.
Leave CA and come to NH.
Move next door to NH. Plenty of jobs and we need people to preserve freedom in its last bastion in the US.
Ok, so I can’t have one in my state but I showed them…. I replied to each message with me holding my gun with a clear two-litre plastic bottle attached to ‘it’.
Now everyone knows the caliber of my plinker.
damn! Just realized I was snagged in an April Fool's gag!
This one as even better than the Harley Davidson lawnmower attachment H-D sent out yeesterday...
How mentally weak must one be to taunt strangers with something a stupid a "I can have a can and you can't, nyah, nyah!"
I would be too bro, I HATE this state !!! I don't even care about the job, I work remote, but my entire family is here including children . . . I'm looking at moving to NH . . . this state is THE WORST !!!!
I Live in MA. and it is a gun hating illegal loving communist state! We have a governor that hates guns and Bostons mayor is no good either you think the people of this state would wake up, the only reason I'm here is because of my job other than that I would be gone!!
California liver here, and sad and envious...and curious?
Florida man here, but I grew up in MA. My wife knows if she wants us to move, it has to an NFA-friendly state…so NH is as close to MA as I’ll ever get.
Hilarious, was a nice break from the typical read.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Just buy the DYI book and make your own . If you can weld a muffler you can do it . This statement is for academic purposes only :)
ATF has entered the chat
I live in NH, so beatches be envious an’ shit. Life too short to live in retarded states, join the Free State Project (look it up).